Dear White People: Stop telling us we need to get over it…

It’s a major pet peeve of mine when people try to minimize another person’s pain by telling them that “they need to get over it.” It gets me riled up! Everyone gets over a particular experience in his or her own time.

I had a conversation with a person I consider a friend, a white woman, about Meghan and Harry’s interview with Oprah. Now I haven’t watched the interview, but I’ve seen a few snippets on some late-night shows, and so I was curious about what my friend thought about the interview, but I was not ready for her response.

Over the past four years, topics around racism have been on the rise, exposed, if you will. The things that people in the higher Caste (white people) would hide and discuss amongst themselves, especially those that live in more diverse communities or those who consider themselves liberals, are being exposed. Their racist acts disclosed in a couple of ways, 1. them telling on themselves, or 2. they are documented saying racist shit. We, black people, are also exposing them by being vocal about systemic racism, and now everyone is losing their shit. “Why can’t they get over it!”

So, back to the conversation I was having with my friend, well, we were walking our dogs, and she brought up a spoof that Stephen Colbert did on his show about President Biden’s dog interviewed by Oprah. We laughed, and then I asked her if she saw the interview, at which point she looked at me and rolled her eyes. I was a little taken aback by her rolling her eyes, but I fully respect her right to react to something she may have issues with. I chuckled at how skilled her eye-rolling technique is.

Nonetheless, I was not ready for her comments. My friend began to convey her dislike for what Meaghan had to say about her experiences with the Royal family. She started by saying that she thinks Meghan wants attention and that she, Meghan, should get over it. She continued, saying that Meghan should know what she was getting into; it’s Britain, after all. She also thought that Meghan mentioning that someone discussed what color her baby would be, was much to do about nothing.

Her statements shocked me for a minute, but I quickly realized that I needed to set her straight, and so I said, Meghan, has a right to share her story just like everyone else. Her story is an important one. You or anyone else cannot tell her to get over it. I said, forget about her color if that helps. Think about her as a woman, a pregnant woman with all the emotions associated with that. Now can you have empathy for her? I said I think it just comes down to us having compassion for each other’s pain.

There was so much I wanted to say to my friend, but I could tell she wouldn’t be able to handle it, and so I walked away feeling unresolved. Now here I am a few days later, still thinking about it. I will have that conversation with my friend again because I need to let her know that when it comes to the trauma of black people/women, we don’t need to hear how you feel that we need to get over it.

Just shut the fuck up and let us heal on our own time.